Realistic Expectations Can Help Save Marriage
Reality is different than the world as portrayed in fairy tales and chick flicks. Every blushing bride and nervous groom (gold-diggers excepted) thinks they’ve found their one true love and genuinely believes their marriage will last. Yet these days up to half of all marriages end in divorce. Maybe we can help save marriage by giving up some romantic notions and being a little more down-to-earth.
Myth: My partner and I will live happily ever after. You won’t, even if you win the lottery. Unfortunate things happen that we simply don’t have control over. Your partner won’t be able to save you from major disasters anymore than they will be able to save you from minor everyday problems and frustrations. There will be difficulties you will have to handle as a team.
Don’t think that you can change your partner or that your partner will change to please you. People’s personalities are formed in childhood. No one can be on their best behavior in their own home 24 hours a day. There are certain things we have to learn to tolerate.
Romantic Fiction: We will always be madly in love with each other. Being ‘in love’ is an all-consuming state of intense infatuation and sexual desire that naturally wears off over time. It is eventually replaced by a more stable trusting, caring kind of love that still allows for moments of passion.
Myth: My partner and I totally understand each other. No two people can ever see out of the same pair of eyes. We all have different inborn personalities as well as different experiences that give us a unique outlook on the world. You can’t expect your partner to intuitively know how you feel about something.
Romantic Fiction: We will never argue because we think alike. You and your mate were probably attracted to each other because you share a lot of opinions on things that interest you both. But you can’t predict the joint decisions that you are going to be faced with in the future. Unless you are clones, there are going to be disagreements. You will have to learn to negotiate solutions you both can agree to.
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