It takes a lot of effort to save a marriage thats failing. Both spouses should be on board and willing to participate. It’s not always the right time for both as it may be for one. Whatever the reason, until the unwilling partner participates, trying to salvage a relationship on your own can be achieved but it can also make getting it done much harder. Sometimes it may just be that the unwilling spouse is depressed, confused, or perhaps there’s a loss of interest. In any event all is not lost so don’t despair. Given a little time these feelings could subside.
Could It Be That All Hope is Lost?
Wanting to save a marriage, especially one where there are children involved as well as many years are invested, is natural for most. There are many reasons for relationships to become broken. Of the many common reasons a spouse having an affair would be right up to the top of the list and are considered by most drop dead deal breakers. But when emotions and all kinds of toxic feelings are involved relationships aren’t so easy to just walk away from and most are willing to try and work things out. Simply losing the ability to communicate with each other throughout can easily sour a relationship.
Should you ever find yourself in a position of trying to save a marriage and you feel that you are basically on your own because your spouse just isn’t committed to making the necessary changes and no matter what you do or say they are just bound and determined to be resistant to your efforts, don’t force them. You could just be pushing them further away. There is still help. As stated above many reasons could be affecting your partners decision to Not Participate.
Do What You Can to Save Your Marriage:
Your commitment and the things that you are in complete control of, your own actions can be used to facilitate and help to motivate your partners ability to take part in helping to save your marriage. Whatever you do don’t lose face and give up. Most relationships are worth saving unless physical and verbal abuse is manifested.
Some of the actions that can be taken on your part that can help the process stay in a forward direction are:
1. Stay Determined In all of Your Own Efforts to Save Your Marriage.
Don’t let the factor of your unparticipating Husband/Wife be a deciding element of whether or not you should continue in your own efforts in salvaging your relationship. Your own committment to going forward on your own may even help you to dig into those reserves and even prove to strengthen or make stronger your own desire that much more to succeed with your goal to save your marriage.
2. Find Once Again That, That Was Lost
As relationships go on in time things change. Much gets lost and taken for granted along the way. Remember the friend that you found when you first met your husband or Wife. The admirable support that you gave one another was more than heart felt. Well now is as good a time as any to perhaps return back to those times and acts of kindness that the relationship was built on that some how got misplaced along the way. The best beginnings to save a marriage may be as simple as doing something like finding that friend again in one another.
So you may be thinking why should you be the one doing all the work in trying to pull all this together alone. Although the feeling is valid depending on just how strongly you feel about saving your marriage the general idea is to help motivate your spouse into participating so you don’t have to do it alone. Ideally because of your strong determination and firm committment, by returning to those lost acts of kindness, perhaps those feelings would start to flow once again and your husband or wife would get that little jog that’s needed to get them on board. The mind is a very powerful thing and sometimes if we just bring it back to a better time, certain feelings at that time may come flowing back with those forgotten memories.
3. So What About You
In order for you to get through this phase, alone, you’ll need to being strong and focused. Being healthy both physically and mentally can go a long way in helping you through this process. Just the thought of trying to save a marriage with both spouses can be exhausting but the plain truth is that being weak mentally and physically will not allow you the necessary energy you’ll need to stay focused, endure or to get it done especially if you’re going it alone at least for the time being. So preparation is essential. Keep yourself inspired with the idea that your goal of victory will come to pass.
Take some alone time for prayer, and solitude frequently. Get involved in other social activities that will require you to forget your troubles for a while. After all of the confusion, pain and disappointment has past you’ll emerge a stronger more focused individual. If getting to youself hasn’t been possible with the both of you living in the same setting then it may be appropriate for a temporary separation from each other may be what is needed in order for time in healing. For obvious reasons time for both is essential before any attempts at trying to save any marriage should be made.
On going turmoil is obviously not a good setting for the healing process to take place. Isolation away from each other may be an acceptable course of action for healing. Your partner can benefit from this as well and ironically it may perhaps be the driving force that will make the unwilling partner see the situation in the neccessary light. Such a strategy can put an undeniable urgency to the matter, maybe not so much in a forceful way but certainly in a way that puts saving your marriage on the priority list as far as your partner is concerned.
When separated, should it get to a point where contact is absolutely necessary, otherwise no contact, always keep it casual. This would not be a recommended time for talking about saving your marriage or any other relationship problems. Keeping these contacts brief and off topic keeps the healing process enabled. It’s time for healing, afterwards the next step is to rebuild.
The Right Time to Talk
Something that should have been stated at the beginning of this article is that at no time should talks about saving a marriage or any problems that occur about the relationship or otherwise ever be discussed in the company of children of any age behind doors or not! It never has been or never will be acceptable behavior.
That being stated, both partners should allow each other enough time to get in complete control of their faculties. That means that when the pain, adrenaline levels, anxiousness, height of disappointment, even the feelings that are sometimes aroused when just the site of a partner, any and everything that could make discussing the topic of saving a marriage go wrong at the drop of a hat, has subsided to a level of calm, then and only then can a truly frank discussion about how to save a marriage be executed.
Sometimes space is the best recourse for both partners at a time when stress is flowing high as it helps by giving each individual time to reflect before contact is made for discussion. When the time comes one great platform from which to start a dicussion about something as delicate as trying to save a marriage would be perhaps a setting like the one where you first met or at least one where good happy memories were formed for obvious reasons.
Important: Non-contact restrictions are for a reason. If contact is a must keep it to the bare minimum and no intimacy or talking about the relationship should be firmly adhered to.
An orphan I grew up bouncing from one home to another and as I became an adult decided to channel all my disappointments and pent up anger into doing something positive by making it possible for others to stay together, dealing especially with relationships and broken marriages.
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