Marriage is a joint partnership between two members of the opposite sex who have made oaths before God to be faithful to one another for life. In view of this, infidelity is disruptive to any marriage, but it is by no means a death blow. The best way to deal with infidelity is to nip it in the bud and pre-empt it. To do so, you must know how to spot it.
Be familiar with the symptoms of an affair. There are many. Here are some of them:
o The most common situation in which infidelity takes place is if an opportunity presents itself – business trips with colleagues, car pools, meetings at a gym.
o Your partner spends more time away from home – shopping, conferences, seminars, business trips, fishing, working late, trips to places where he or she will be not able to be contacted.
o There is a marked change in your partner’s way of life. This may range from a change in hairstyle, dressing or personal grooming (he never used to put on perfume but now he does) to a change in routine or behavior (from talkative to reserved).
o Your partner keeps things to himself or herself for example cell phone text messages, emails, personal items etc.
o Your partner does not account for his or her whereabouts nor bothers to inform you. He or she also seems to get irritated when asked or may accuse you of meddling or try to put you on a guilt trip (“You don’t trust me, do you?”).
o Suspicious behavior – your partner turns off the computer monitor when someone enters the room or goes outdoors or to another room to talk on the phone.
o Late night computer use
o Things seem to appear out of nowhere, apparently gifts from anonymous givers.
o Your partner does not seem to enjoy being with you as much as before. He or she prefers to be alone or out of the home.
o Your sex life together changes. It is not as intimate, frequent or fulfilling as before. Your partner does not seem to enjoy it as much anymore. Or the reverse may be the case i.e. your sex life improves. Your partner may feel guilty and doesn’t want you to suspect anything, so he or she puts more effort into your sex life together. Cheating can also increase his or her sex drive, because when you’re having more sex, you want more sex.
o Your spouse becomes more harsh, critical, demanding or fault-finding with you. Things that did not seem to disturb him or her before now does.
o Your partner has a ‘special friend’ of the opposite sex.
o Your partner shows uncomfortable behavior around a friend of the opposite sex or ignores the person.
o Your partner speaks about or to another member of the opposite sex with a different (softer more gentle) tone of voice. He seems overly protective about that person.
o Your partner starts comparing you with others or with that particular someone. Guess what? You lose hands down!
All the above (and many other similar ones) are merely symptoms of an affair. They are not necessarily conclusive. But if you see a trend of a combination of any of the above signs, it is worthwhile to confront your partner without accusing him or her of being unfaithful. Just caution your partner about the consequences if he or she continues in any of the above behaviors. This will serve as a deterrent to any act of infidelity.
If your partner admits to inclinations of being attracted to a member of the opposite sex, then do not accuse him or her of betrayal. The fact that there is admission means that your partner is willing to remedy the situation. You must help him or her overcome it. To do so, you need to focus on developing your love relationship with one another again.
Be aware of the signs of infidelity and take corrective action immediately. The best remedy for unfaithfulness is to prevent it by meeting each other’s emotional needs and becoming one another’s best friend. Take action today to save your own marriage.
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