If you have ever had the experience to live through a long distance relationship or are living one right now, you probably know that in general people think that this type of relationship has no future and will eventually end up in a breakup. And instead of getting long distance relationship advice you are only facing all sorts of sabotage to the faith in your relationship by different people and even sometimes from your own imagination.
This negative tendency towards distance relationship has however its antidote and if applied correctly can make living a love story in separate cities a fantastic relationship. My intent is not to give you distance relationship advice in the form of dos and dont’s but I’d rather expand on important aspects that have helped me coping with my ldr (I hate this acronym, it just sounds like a pathological decease of some kind!).
There are six points that I believe constitute the most fundamental distance relationship advice:
- Define Your Relationship
- Be honest, avoid jealousy and be trusting
- Establish an effective communication
- Things to do to defy the distance
- Visit often
- Take advantage of the benefits of a long distance relationship
It can only make so much sense to me that my first long distance relationship advice would be focused around the definition of the relationship itself. It is imperative that you define your relationship especially the long distance ones. You will have to be truthful to each other and open your heart and tell your partner what you are expecting from this relationship and how you’d like it to evolve in the future. I know that this looks difficult as nobody can predict what is going to happen tomorrow but at least you should know how you envisage your relationship, the way you would feel comfortable with.
It goes without a doubt that long distance relationship, soon or late, will confront the challenge of trust. It is natural for it to happen as your lives are now shared between two remote places and what you know about the life of your partner is only based on his (her) description to you. Imagination can easily play tricks and start to create fictive scenarios in your mind. It is important to be honest with your partner in order to avoid jealousy, at least the non founded one and make the emotional stages related to long-distance relationship as benign as possible. So be trusting is an undeniable fact that cannot miss from a long distance relationship given that you will both put honesty as the number one priority in your relationship. Of course this can serve for all types of relationship distant or not.
I will not remind you how crucial communication is in any relationship, but I want to pin out an important aspect of communication related to distance relationship which lies around its effectiveness. When you are a loving couple living apart from each other, one of the only thing that brings a ray of sun to your relationship is your communication so make it effective. Make communication an every day ritual, even more than once. Nowadays our society is based on communication and the technology at our disposal makes it easy to stay close to each other even in a long distance relationship. Webcam, IM and You Tube is a perfect way to communicate on a daily basis, it’s fun and brings each other closer than it was in the years where only telephone and letters were available. And one important thing to keep in mind is that you will have to make your communication a part of your every day schedule, it will have to be a priority in your daily activities. Of course you can also surprise your partner and make a call, send an email or an IM outside your regular sessions.
As I mentioned it before, technology is at our disposal to allow us to have common activities even on a long distance relationship. There are numerous things to do to defy this unbearable, sometimes, distance. You could start a blog together and describe your daily activities and write about your relationship, keep it as an open journal to remember how you manage to having to say goodbye again and again. At the end it might even bring you visitors who will gain important tips on how to deal with their own distance relationship. Pursuing common interests even when apart can bring a tremendous motivation to share things together and make distance less torturing.
Agree to get together as often as possible and on a regular basis. There is nothing more reinvigorating than to know that in three weeks for example you will be hugging again. Visit often will keep love hot and avoid relationship problems. Be careful though to plan ahead the visit of you partner. It is always a special moment and you have to make time and schedule every minute wisely in order to make it an unforgettable experience. And please reschedule your basketball game with the guys or your hairdresser appointment when you are expecting your lover to visit you, it is your moment, only you two can fit in the picture.
Long distance relationship can also offer some benefits that you will have to take advantage of. It would be the perfect time to lose your extra pounds, to learn how to cook better or to quit smoking. Use your time doing things you always wanted to do but couldn’t find time, things that will bring you some extra motivation and allow you to feel less depressed and sad. Because you will have to live your long distance relationship with the most positive attitude by thinking first of yourself and not to let go into a depressive state of mind.
So to summarize the main points of how to manage your long distance relationship, or at least the way I did it, I would say that no matter the distance that separates you from each other or the long periods of times necessary to meet again, you will need strong foundations of trust, determination and understanding in order to make it work and it starts with talking about your future together and having the parameters of your relationship as clear as possible.